Vertigo

As part of this work, I volunteer as a mentor for the MISS foundation.

One of my mentee’s, Brent’s Dad, is a retired pilot.
In one of our calls we discuss Vertigo.

Vertigo: sensation of spinning or movement often caused by inner ear issues

Brent’s Dad explained that in aviation, vertigo is the phenomenon where you believe that you are the other way up though your instruments tell you otherwise.
When this occurs the pilot must ignore their own senses and trust the plane’s instruments.
If you do not… it is fatal for you and your passengers.
Pilots train for this.

“The death of your child does the same”. he said
”Except you are flying blind without the aid of instruments.”

A grief literate environment could serve as your instruments.
Grief literacy in our society is shockingly rare.

I see his point.

My experience is more of an image before me of a maze filled with routes and options bordered by hedges like guard rails showing each way forward..
The moment that I heard that Luke was dead those guard rails dropped away.
No clear way forward and now I think of it … vertigo, because everything was upside down.

As we chat I realized that these past years I took the freedom option.
The guard rails gone, the instruments of society absent, I could go where I so pleased.
Right, left, up, down meant nothing to me and once the disorientation had settled, and yes, that took quite the minute, I saw that I was free to go where I chose.
And maybe the proverbial centre of the maze via designated routes or otherwise, wasn’t where I wanted or needed to be.

I realize now that I’ve never naturally fit within the constraints of polite society bullshit, that my instincts were always strong to swim against the tide, or not, on any given day.
’Playing the dead kid card’ gave me the courage to speak and act as I saw fit and become who I always was.

The lukelove OD reversal training commands and delivers a different approach and succeeds because of it.

Am I really suggesting that the ghastly trauma of losing my child… set me free?
Or is it more that I am done with all the BS?
Get out of my way, there’s shit to get done!
No more Ms Nice Guy!