Birthdayness

Luke’s birthday looms.
My body, as always, leads the charge and reacts long before my brain marks the impending red letter date.
I am a puddle.
In the before life, the house would be buzzing with Luke’s birthdayness.
We would be planning gifts, pretending that we let slip the secret gift… a giraffe.
How did that start?
When did that start?
Year in, year out.. always with the giraffe.

The eggs would be bought, my hair sticky with meringue mixture.
Luke licking mixing bowls.
Celebrations, parties planned.
In the early years ‘going home gifts’ would be on order.
Invitations crafted and mailed.

This turned into ordering butterflies to release to Luke… wherever he may be.
The first year I raised 250 from caterpillars and gathered our friends and his.

Now, there are no plans, no butterflies, no giraffes.
It’s yet another thing gone.
So many things… gone.